They say at times of crisis you find out who your real friends are. Wow have I learned this one. As I am sat here typing (on the new MacBook!) Bert is lying rather ill in bed, Joshua and his girlfriend are sleeping hangovers off, Elizabeth is out at work and Myles is flaked out after an all nighter on the XBox.
Well, that was my blog session cut short! Lizzie is now home from work as it was not worth staying open so I have just cut, dried and straightened her hair (no mean feat – it is nearly down to her waist and we are mixed race so had the straighteners on super strength!).
Joshua collared me for a natter too, he was in a rather strange mood, even by his standards. He was worried that I loved Myles more than him. I guess becoming a step parent does’t come with a handbook so I had to reassure him that I loved them both equally. I genuinely can’t say I love him more, as I genuinely love both of my step sons as if they were my own – hell, they have 2 half brothers that are nothing biologically to do with Bert or I but we have had them over on holiday and I love them too. To me, love doesn’t have to equal blood, it can occur naturally too.
Oh, and to top it all, my Mum has fallen out with me. Myles and Lizzie were sat in the living room the other night, Lizzie on her laptop and Myles on his Kindle both having a laugh and Joshua walked in. Now, Lizzie had her legs over Myles’, on top of a cushion as we have a corner suite and he took COMPLETE exception to it. Never mind that Bert had been in and out of the room all evening.
Well, off he went ranting to my Mum about it being inappropriate, blah, blah, blah and without even asking for another side of the story, my Mum took it upon herself to tell Lizzie that she shouldn’t have done it.
Talk about starting WW3. Lizzie is still inconsolable about it all and won’t spend time with Myles on her own, and god love him, Myles doesn’t know what he has done wrong (NOTHING).
To give you some perspective, even before I was engaged to Bert, Myles’ friends at school would comment that Lizzie was “pretty fit” and he would be all “wwww, she is my sister”. That is how they view each other, nothing more, nothing less. They would fight to the death for each other, and have the most fantastic sibling relationship. But no, my Mother decided she would listen to Joshua and stick her nose in.
I was that angry a couple of days ago, I called her and very calmly explained the situation, told her that I was upset that she hadn’t bothered to consult Bert or I in the process and I had found it disrespectful to us as parents. I did tell her I wasn’t falling out with her, but I said what needed to be said. So she has fallen out with me anyway. I have had 39 years of this so I am used to it. She shoved me in boarding school at the age of 8 so you will excuse me if I don’t particularly rate her parenting skills. I adore her, I really do, but THIS we could have done without.
Ah well, interlude over! Like I said, Bert isn’t well. We both have norovirus, but it is affecting him worse as a lot of the pain medication I take counter balances one of the nastier sides of the virus. Unfortunately he is totally washed out with it. He hasn’t been out of bed for 3 days and all he can keep down is water with some sugar in it.
I actually realised that outside of the immediate family, we have no one to ask for any help at all. They either don’t drive, don’t want to take responsibility for me (that I DO understand, given the seizures) or ‘busy’. For all his being a busy body Joshua has been to the shop today and his girlfriend is going to cook tea for them all tonight.
I have been feeling a bit low in mood recently, I think it is the change in medication and keep bursting into tears for no apparent reason, but Bert gave me good reason before. He was asleep and Joshua wanted to talk to me so I went into the living room for a natter and a cuppa with him. After about half an hour Bert came charging in barking at me as to why I didn’t let him know where I was. Now, I will put my hands up as I completely overreacted, but I burst into tears. I think it was more the fact that I knew he wasn’t well and was asleep when Joshua asked me to chat to him, so I just left him asleep and went down for a chat. I was so upset that he did it in front of Joshua and his girlfriend, I felt like a child myself.
Now I am painfully aware that my epilepsy has pushed everyone to the absolute brink of exhaustion, but I am going to request that my respite be brought forwards and ask for another of the neurologist’s demanded drops of medication in hospital (nowhere else will have me). I have only been married for 3 months, actually to the day and I have got my husband so exhausted he is shouting at me and is ill. I can barely forgive myself currently.
Lizzie has offered to reciprocate the hairdressing, so she is going to sit in with me whilst I have a bath (thank god we have a shower curtain!) and do my hair for me. Then we are going to sit and watch Pride and Prejudice – the one WITHOUT Colin Firth, totally overrated).
I just feel damned if I do, and damned if I don’t at the moment – the reverse Midas touch. Everything I touch seems to turn to shit. I am just so damned tired too, last week I had 61 seizures, and actually 18 the day before yesterday. Really had quite enough for now!
So, before I start up with the tears of self pity again, I shall bid thee adieu.