4am, another sleepless night precluded by a fantastic day.

Well today has turned out to be rather fantastic to say the least! I say today, if being pedantic I mean yesterday but I can promise you I will forget to say that so let’s just pretend it is still Saturday for now.

First up – a trip to pick up a stair lift for my Mum in our beloved LDV Convoy. We had lent it out to one of my sisters in law to move and it had been gone over a week, was great to have it back – Bert and I love a day out in it. So, off to get the stair lift we go, from a house where my Mum is a private Nurse.

Now, not that I expect anyone to be able to confirm, but these things are hellishly heavy!! I really wished I had been able to help Bert get it into the van but half an hour later, and with a combination of ratchet straps, boards and sack trucks it was safely installed in the back.

Just over the road is a Supermarket with a household section so we thought we would pop over as Mum phoned in the middle of it all with the most random request possible – dishwasher tablets! So, dishwasher tablets duly acquired we had a gander round the home wares section. It is our first Christmas in our new home as a married couple so we decided to buy the kitchen table a present – a table cloth and mats. Oh I tell you, I know how to live the high life now I am married!! If someone had told me 3 years ago I would be with married to Bert picking out table cloths I would have laughed in their faces. Yes, it is official. I am, to borrow a term, turning into a ‘smug married’! The only thing they didn’t have was a table runner so Bert came out with the fantastic idea of going to B&Q for one?? Methinks ulterior motive and was proved right!

Up we go, and yes, most definitely an ulterior motive! We decided when we moved we were going to get a new Christmas tree as both ours were a bit tatty. God, they had some really nice ones up there but after much debating on his side and even more compromise on mine, we agreed on a nice traditional green (fake because a real tree would give me an asthma attack) tree of the alleged Scandinavian Pine Variety. Ok, I am being harsh, it is a lovely tree, just not my taste. I have seen so many friends who have been pure in love before their weddings for it only to go tits up as soon as they are married as neither seems to think they should budge. I think I am going to use this blog to document my first year of marriage too, with regards to compromise etc. Bert does so much for me, I can hardly put more on him, so if he wants a green traditional tree as opposed to the conical pop up black one that had caught my eye, I can more than live with that. His will still be in fashion when the one I wanted will be relegated to the civic amenity site within a couple of years due to it ageing!!

Oh god let this have worked as I am now pulling what is left of my hair after radiotherapy out!!! Anyway, my idea of a nice slimline 6′ conical tree were dashed for something along the more traditional line, but it makes Bert Happy and that is the main thing. So all 7′ off Christmas tree (the box was BIG) safely ensconced into the back of the van, it just so happens that ‘Pets At Home’ is at the other Industrial Park, about a 2 minute drive away, so off we went to go and have a look. I think I was being placated at this point, only to find when we turned the corner a bit Curry’s and PC World staring ame at the face – I need to get out more!! I had no idea it was there.

So, I dismounted (half pike, twist and somersault) from the van into Lilith and was duly wheeled in. Honestly, when I get better I am going to go into planning – I would have had to be on steroids to have the strength to push myself across that car park! Well, Pets At Home finally helped me out with something I have been wanting for a while. I had wanted to get a pet, just for myself. The kids have dogs, Bert has tropical fish and I genuinely fancied a corn snake some time after Christmas as company for me when I am sat in bed for days after a bad bout of fits. The reason I wanted a corn snake is that they very easy to take care of, need feeding once or twice a week and, after the initial setup of vivarium, bulbs, furniture etc, would cost about £4 a month to both feed and keep warm and looked after.

I met a lovely guy up there who was buying stuff for his pet collection and he gave me some valuable information. He also gave me a borderline ‘interview’ to see if I had really thought properly about the cost involved and was more than satisfied that I had. All this time, Bert was off looking at the fish so when I asked him to come over and have a look at this beauty

<img src="http://” alt=”Corn Snake” />

the look was as plain as the nose on his face. It was going to be a no. God love him he tried, but I can read him like an open book. So, I have decided that once I have got my driving license back I will rethink it. It is a shame, but I have to contemplate who would look after it if I was taken into hospital and the suchlike and I don’t think he would be up for it. I know we have only been married a month today but the only way this is going to work is compromise every step of the way, and I am more than prepared to compromise on this one.

So, with my new found need of having a pet dissipated, we headed off to PC World (some where we would both love) for a look. WOW was it full of rubbish and highly inflated prices!! Windows 8 was a huge let down, so off I wheeled to the accessories section. Now I am an apple fangirl and not ashamed to say so. I have the iPhone 4 and iPad 2 (would have a Mac Air but finances do NOT allow that kind of spending!!). I had tons of fun in there looking at all the stuff.

Bert and I went to have a look at the televisions. Now, a couple of years ago when 3D first started rearing its ugly head again, we had the discussion as to whether or not 3D or Internet TV was the way forwards. I have always been on the Internet TV side of the fence and our current setup is a 40″ Toshiba TV and the latest 500GB PS3 (the last one they are releasing before the PS4). I use it primarily for Netflix, LoveFilm, iPlayer – you get my drift. I am not a huge gamer but that is only because I haven’t found one I want just yet. So with hitting on vouchers, flash deals etc, we managed to get a 40″ Internet TV setup for £500. Wow am I glad we did considering the prices of the stuff in there! Bert was convinced that 3D was the way forwards but had to agree, the only place it really works is at the cinema. The TV’s just aren’t a patch on what we have come to expect.

Talking of flash deals – I did a really good thing yesterday morning. Amazon had a Black Friday flash deal on for the Kindle Fire which Myles has asked for for Christmas. Oh yes, you guessed it!

<img src="http://” alt=”Kindle Fire” />

This little beauty is now winging its way to us at a saving of £70. God I am on the ball this year!!! And this was at 6am so I am rather proud of myself to say the least.

Not going to lie, I was a little disappointed that Bert didn’t share my enthusiasm for a corn snake so I consoled myself with a half price pair of these little beauties

Purple Skull Candy cans

so not all bad at all. I have been using ‘in ear’ headphones since I was in hospital so as not to annoy my fellow ward mates, but I find them very uncomfortable – well comfort be damned, I adore these new ones! They are fantastic and as I am completely deaf in one ear, I can fiddle round with them to get the volume just how I like it.

Unfortunately that did kind of bring our shopping and mooching trip to a stop as yep – Captain Epilepsy struck so we came home to WW3 breaking out. Now, I am a bit hazy on what happened but Elizabeth had been home sick yesterday and let Myles in at lunchtime. He had forgotten his key so left her asleep in the house all afternoon with the door unlocked. She went back to her Dad’s, Myles came home and locked the door. Unbeknownst to me, Bert had popped out to get Myles’ prescription from the chemist and had been inadvertently locked out so I am in bed (I am not allowed out if Bert pops out for 5 mins), Myles is in his bedroom and Bert is ringing the doorbell. I asked Myles to go and open the door but he misheard me and the doorbell kept going which can cause me to fit so I went down to unlock it, only to trip over my own feet on one landing as Myles got to the front door.

Much yelling between Bert and Myles ensued which set me off into a simple so I had to try and get the words out that I wanted Bert to apologise to Myles as it was ME that had tripped over my own feet, NOBODY else had caused it!!! Oh god, never a dull moment I tell you!!

This is what I mean about me being over sensitive. I felt awful for hours about it all when I know there was no need, but it caused about 4 seizures. I so need to try and get this sorted, but it doesn’t help when the neurologist doesn’t want to see me until October next year.

Right, according to my reckoning it is coming up to 5.30am so I am going to go and get coffee, and put the news on and try and start the day in the hope that it will be seizure free – wish me monsters!



Get a grip woman!

Do not be so self indulgent and childish! I am ashamed to read back what I wrote last night, but I really was that angry.

I am a grown woman, but in my mitigation, I live the life of a pre schooler due to being not able to be left unattended etc, and yesterday was a huge deal for me and Elizabeth and to let a certain person get to me shouldn’t have happened.

So the plan for today is to melt the debit card whilst we do the weekly shop, come home, get into the Hello Kitty onesie and email my relations in New Zealand with some info on the Six Nations (ok, here we go with a link!)


Hmm, will see how that looks when posted!

Then, watch out as I am going to have a Blog attack! Think this one is in dire need of tarting up and some order bringing to it. Any help or hints gratefully received.


Well, note to self….

Wow did I enjoy the cinema trip. The staff were beyond lovely, the seating area was fantastic I genuinely think I had the best view in the house with Elizabeth. As it was such a huge deal, having an afternoon out with my daughter, the first one since my epilepsy decided to rear its uncontrollable head and I have had to start using a wheelchair I was like a kid in the proverbial sweet shop!

Now, my eldest bought me an iPhone 4 a few months ago and in fairness, I am only just getting to grips with it properly (especially since the IOS 6 update – that one threw me!!) so thought I would do the ‘check in’ via Face Book. I was genuinely surprised that a lot of my friends ‘liked’ the status but a lot of them realised how much it meant to me, getting out somewhere with my daughter and giving Bert some time off (which he used wisely by going to visit his younger brother and spending some time with him).

So, no need to go into the details of the film, you will either know it or not, like it or not, but I really did enjoy it. Elizabeth and I agreed that it was the best of all 5 of them and thought nothing more of it. An enjoyable time was most definitely had.

What I REALLY wish I hadn’t done was try and be a smart arse by playing round on my phone. I came home, did the shopping list with Bert for tomorrow, came upstairs to get ready for bed (bed time for me is about 8pm) and thought I would have a quick check on Face Book.

WOW do I now wish that I hadn’t as every last shred of enjoyment I had had this afternoon has now disappeared with one ill considered comment by a 15 year old girl (my bridesmaidzilla from my wedding). Last year, I took her with myself and Elizabeth to see Breaking Dawn part 1. Last year, I could drive, didn’t need anyone with me 24 hours a day and wasn’t in a wheelchair.

Under my little ‘check in’ at the cinema, along with the lots of likes from people who understand what a huge step it has been for me was the most singularly sarcastic comment from her. Believe you and me, I can be over sensitive on a good day, but it has taken, as I said, every last shred of enjoyment out of my afternoon which had, up to that point bolstered my confidence no end. I am not going to quote it verbatim, but to condense, “So I take it I am not coming this time”  – you get the gist.

Now, this is the first time I have been out and I had to have someone with me to give me my emergency medication if needed. I had called ahead to the cinema to see if it was OK if I came, and had everything planned. I hadn’t done anything on this scale without Bert since I got really ill so I was looking at it as a practise run to see how things went.

I actually DID have an absence seizure during the film but only Elizabeth and the couple sat in front of us noticed, and bless them, they did offer to help my daughter if she needed it but I came round fairly quickly and quietly.

I can’t take care of myself, never mind a rather self centred niece. I couldn’t have gone in the evening as it is on far too late for me and Elizabeth works weekends, so quite what she was expecting I am not sure at all. What I do know is that I am going to speak to her mother about it, as I feel I shouldn’t have to explain myself to a 15 year old girl.

Anyway – tomorrow is shopping day, so tomorrow afternoon is going to be spent on a much lighter and FAR less self indulgent post. And if it kills me I will learn how to put hyperlinks in my posts!!!!

Woah, rant over and apologies for anyone that has managed to stay with me on this one!

Good night from one very over sensitive Sarah, I hope that you all have a better day than I have had.

I really should act my age…

But yet, am going out this afternoon. It has taken military precision, liaising with a venue and all kinds of trickery with my medication but……. I am going to the cinema!!! Fortunately my epilepsy is not photosensitive, so we should be good to go there. Where I live, there is only one cinema with wheelchair access and it has ….. ONE screen! So, with tickets booked, the venue informed of my epilepsy, and my  beautiful daughter Elizabeth coming with me I am very ashamed to announce that I am going to see Breaking Dawn part 2!

I have been to all the Twilight Saga films with Elizabeth, so we thought we would see this one through to the bitter end together. Munchies packed, emergency medication packed, Bert on a knife edge in case I get taken ill and the car filled up with fuel and Lilith we are off!

I am definitely going to report back later as this is a HUGE step for me. I haven’t had the confidence to do something like this since March, so I hope the excitement doesn’t trigger a seizure!

Much waffling will ensue when I return,

(one very excited) Sarah


Having a quandary today.

Well, with the madness out of the way, things are now settling down nicely. Seizures are still out of control so that reassures me that some things in life go on as normal!

So, as my previous posts have said, it has been a crazy few months for me. Long lost family, house moving, marriage, the full works. I hate to use the C word (Christmas, not the BIG C) so early, but with Joshua’s birthday coming up and that sorted, and presents for the big C sorted I am finally starting to settle into a rhythm.

Joshua is going to be 20 in less than 2 weeks so he is not paying his housekeeping for this month as he wanted money anyway, so it seemed silly for him to give it to me in one hand and me to hand it back. He has told us that he can’t afford anything for anyone for C, so fair play, he is giving nothing and expects nothing in return.

Leigh will probably want money, which is fine as all the children know what our rough budget is for each of them. Elizabeth wants a coffee maker for her bedroom and Myles wants a Kindle Fire and some money towards buying some new clothes so all sorted there. Money is put aside and we are good to go.

Bert and I don’t buy each other anything as we would rather spend the money on the children BUT we did indulge ourselves recently. As we both have birthdays in October as well as getting married in the same month we bought ourselves a 40″ TV that was on special offer


Yep, we bought ourselves this bad boy for the bedroom. We didn’t pay that amount for it, it was £50 less plus we had a £10 discount voucher for the store that was applicable for electrical items which is unusual where I am from. It has pride of place alongside the new 500GB PS3 that we got with the money that people gave to us for the wedding (we did very well considering we specifically asked for NO gifts!). Please don’t think for one minute we are ungrateful, quite the opposite as we were very surprised to receive anything at all!

The quandary is that as I spend an inordinate amount of time in bed due to ill health, and Bert has so much to do I get lonely. He is an absolute superstar and if I ask for some time with him, he is more than accommodating but running a house of 6, with a disabled wife does take up a lot of his time.

I want a pet. Something I can have in the bedroom for company. Not just any pet mind, I do have certain criteria that have to be met.

1 – It has to be diurnal or crepuscular, there is no way I am going to be able to fight my corner asking for a pet that is going to keep us awake all night partying on down!

2 – Not a furry little being. I have nothing against them per se, but just not what I am looking for.

3- SMELL! Nothing that is going to emit anything too malodourous otherwise I can totally forget it!

4 – A companion that can be handled and perhaps tamed to a degree.

5 – Something that can be looked after very easily if I end up in hospital for a stretch. I think this is going to be the biggest sticking point as I can’t expect Bert to take on the responsibility of something else as well as everything that he does on a daily basis.

Now, I have been doing my research, and am looking at after C to be getting such a pet if Bert is amenable and have got it narrowed down to 2 that I am drawn to the most.

First up, a small bearded dragon http://www.petsathome.com/shop/small-bearded-dragon-18523. I have priced up the cost of the reptile, PROPER housing of an appropriate size, food, how often live food would need to be given, how often the vivarium would need to be changed and the cost of running it electricity wise. Also included, vivarium furniture, vets bills should they be needed etc. I am not going into this with my eyes shut which is why I think going after C being the best time to get a pet. It isn’t going to be an impulse purchase as small bearded dragons can live up to 10 years.

Secondly, I would like to introduce you to my personal favourite, a corn snake http://www.petsathome.com/shop/corn-snake-85357. Now this I think is NOT going to be the popular choice with Bert. Again, I have priced up all the appropriate housing, vivarium needs, costs of furniture and feeding. Personally the corn snake would be easier for me to feed, as their food can be bought in bulk frozen and they don’t need feeding every day. I have a friend who has one and once settled in, they love being handled and are quite characters. I think I am going to have to fight my corner quite seriously on this corner!

You will have to excuse my poor use of links, I am still learning and as a Safari user have just found out I would probably be better using a different browser to get hyperlinks inserted in a more user friendly fashion!

Browser issues aside, I am definitely wanting the corn snake, but as in any marriage, a compromise will be made if that is what is needed.

In other news, seizure wise I have had an awful few days. Normally I can ‘sort’ of predict that anytime after 6pm is my danger zone. Well, that has gone right out of the window recently. I have been fitting in my sleep (for any epileptic, there is a huge difference between fitting when awake and asleep), first thing in the morning, you name it. I went into status epilepticus the other night and Bert was literally 1 minute off calling the emergency services which hasn’t happened in a very long time.

That particular episode scared me. I am an RNLD as I have stated before so I know the repercussions on the old grey matter of being in seizure activity for over 40 minutes but from the other side of it, I can only describe it as I knew I was lost and couldn’t find my way home. No pictures, just a sensation which took me to borderline panic but I couldn’t move or tell anyone. I had no idea I was seizing at the time either which was a new one on me. Scared? You betcha!!

And just to add insult to injury, I saw my Neurologist on the 1st of this month. My next appointment is on the 13 of October next year. yes, that is correct, NEXT year. She is more than happy to keep me like I am until then. To be honest I don’t know how much more I can take of it all. Oh crap, here comes the pity party!! Let’s throw that out the window before it starts!!!

I *had* planned on going to Iceland for my 40th birthday next year but the likelihood of that is not looking good, so maybe my vote for a corn snake might just have some ‘oomph’ to it, fingers crossed!

Anyway, Bert has just informed me that my tea is nearly ready via my lifeline (ie, the baby monitor) so I shall sign off for now. I just want to thank those of you that are following me, it is appreciated. I am going to, fits be damned, get a new browser installed tomorrow, sort out hyperlinks properly as there is tons of stuff I would love to share and really make the effort to get into the WordPress community and reciprocate some of the kind words I have had. Yes, that is my plan for tomorrow!

Tea is actually here so for now, I shall say good night,


PS – Safari has to go! Just previewed and I need to work on these hyperlinks! Sorry if anyone is interested enough and has to copy and paste into a browser – end user issues will be cleared up this end tomorrow!!

When life gives you lemons….

GRAB THEM!!! What a weird day yesterday was, to say the least. My husband’s ex wife (the one who originally split us up 22 years ago – oh Karma, I love thee dearly!) had removed me off her Facebook friends list. Now, as I am sure you can imagine, I was crying. Yes, tears of laughter were rolling down my face when I found out! Bearing in mind, I have done nothing but try to keep her in contact with Myles, managed to get Leigh over when he was younger to spend a whole Christmas with his Dad and Myles (something they hadn’t ever done). I let my 2 go to their Dad’s house too that day so lay in bed on my own watching Supernatural crying like a baby but it was the medication and I am not budging on that one!

I went off on a tangent (hah!). So, Ann, Bert’s ex wife sent me a message on Whatsapp yesterday and returned to my Facebook- wooo! Lucky me! In fairness, I got a polite congratulations, thanks for looking after her son and I though that was pretty much it. Until later on the stinger came. Now, this is quite complicated so bear with me. Ann has 2 children with Bert – Leigh and Myles. She has another, Liam, to her second husband who is now in his father’s custody, and yet another, Kieran to her on/off ‘boyfriend’. Bearing in mind she is the same age as me, and Kieran is 2 you get the picture. Just an aside, Bert and I are the only people to have had all 4 of them under the same roof at the same time- go figure. Incidentally, I have known Ann since I was 13 so the haters can get behind me, I was there first!

She asked me to call her yesterday, which I duly did. Turns out she is in court next month for custody of Kieran and things are NOT looking good for her. So, she has asked me to take parental responsibility for Myles, properly and through the lawyers. Hell, if it was up to Myles, he wants me to adopt him but I have explained that I can’t. She wants me to do it so that it hopefully looks good on her that she is making provisions for her other children, but has played right into our hands and given us what we wanted.

Yup, wasn’t expecting that one. In fairness, she was very upset on the phone and even though I founded the ‘ We hate Ann’ fan club 26 years ago, I still found it upsetting to hear her like that so we had a good old chat. It has been decided that Leigh will come back to us sooner rather than later, I will have parental responsibility for Myles (Leigh doesn’t need it due to his age) and that should anything happen to Liam’s family he will come and live with us. I am a mother and I KNOW it must have been hard for her to do this.

When Bert came home, he was gobsmacked at what had happened. Myles is ecstatic as he (and this is a very hard thing to write, but to quote him) ‘hates her’. Now, I was privately educated so I have a couple of friends who are lawyers so gave one a quick call and she told me to grab it with both hands, and not let go. She is one smart cookie, so I am going to go along with her advice, and she has offered to do our side of the paperwork with Ann’s lawyer. If I drank it would be champagne all round!!

Do you know what? For someone that is bedridden a lot of the time due to various medical conditions, my life can be quite interesting! We have nicknamed our bedroom Mission Control and even from here, in my state, all 4 of our children call me the lynchpin of the family. I personally think it is Bert, but they see it differently. I am their confidante, study buddy, bank, you name it!

I will leave you with some of my own particular brand of what I find funny. I am missing 7 teeth. Joshua and Elizabeth’s father knocked them out of me years ago and I can’t afford to get them redone (I do have a plate for special occasions but hate wearing it). Last night, Captain Epilepsy struck with a vengeance of epic proportion. I think by the time Bert got to me we were on about #8 so out came the Midazolam. Now, when I seize, I curl up to the right and then go into the tonic/clonic phase of the seizure cycle. Only this time I had broken a tooth and cut the inside of my cheek! So when it was all over, Bert threw me onto my back to give me said Midazolam and I looked like a cross between Carrie and The Joker. As Bert has to film my seizures I think George Romero would have been proud of the outcome! And it was frothy too! All I am going to say is praise be for M&S washable and tumble dryable pillows!!

I have never asked to see the film clips as I have normally forgotten about them, but this time I asked to see them. Not going to do it again as I have to admit, as a fully trained RNLD, I cried when I saw what my family has to see on a daily basis. So today I am going to write myself up a care plan, which is going to be designed to have as little impact on the family as possible as I did NOT like what I saw, and plus, it will get my old grey matter flowing in the right direction.

Today I am going to give thanks for Ann coming to her senses and doing right by her son, and giving me that gift even though it must have hurt her.

So on a seizure count of about 12 by the time I had finished, a mini horror film and a broken tooth, I shall bid thee adeiu


What an interesting few days

My world seriously seems to have gone its own particular brand of ‘mental’ this past couple of days. Now, bearing in mind I have had what can be seriously described as THE most hectic month possible that is saying something. I am not one for lists, but just to give you an idea of the previous 30 days, here goes.

1 – 8th October, my birthday

2- 13th October, Leigh’s birthday

3- 15th October, Leigh’s arrival and finding out we had been allocated a new, larger house

4 – 22nd October, given the keys to our new house

5 – 26th October, Bert’s birthday, the arrival of my niece Claire and my great nieces Lauren and Anne

6 – 27th October, WEDDING DAY!

7 – 29th October, said goodbye to Leigh as he had to go back to his home country to sort a few things out before coming back to us permanently, but still a very sad day.

8 – 5th November, handed keys back in to the old house

9 – Birth of very close friend’s baby girl that I can’t go and visit as am riddled with infection

Ok, you get my drift, nothing too out of the ordinary, but just crammed into a very short space of time, with huge emotional highs, small dips with Leigh going back to say his goodbyes before he comes back to us permanently. But you get where I am coming from. In all this, Bert hasn’t stopped. He is my husband, my best friend, my lover and also my carer as I need one. As I type this, he is sat downstairs playing Assassin’s Creed 3 but the baby monitor is on, just in case. He never gets to switch off. Ever.

I try and make life as easy as I can for him. I am by no means going for Martyrdom here but silly things like going for an easy tea when he has been feeding the troops, letting him have well deserved time to himself when I would love to spend some time with him. Having trained as a nurse, as has my Mum we are both aware of burnout and I don’t want him waking up one morning resenting me and not knowing why, so I tend to just keep my trap shut, especially with everything that we have been through over the last 30 days.

Which gets me on to my actual point. I am particularly close to one of my sisters in law, but she can be very demanding without realizing it. Elizabeth and Myles went back to school last Monday so I made it very clear that we were going to have a ‘Honeymoon’ during school hours, Monday to Thursday. Nothing rude! Just spending some time together on our own, without interruption. Ok, so Monday was a bust as I had to have an Occupational Therapy assessment, but Bert wasn’t annoyed with that as if it benefits me, it will make his life easier, which will make me one happy wife.

Tuesday, we had made opticians appointments for myself and Myles, and Wednesday was his Parents Evening but all normal things outside of what we had designated ‘our’ time. So, Thursday we decided to go out and have some lunch and buy a few things for the house with some of the gift cards and suchlike that we had been given for our Wedding (given that we specifically asked for nothing, we did surprisingly well!).

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY my beloved sister in law has been on the phone wanting something. And when I say every day, I mean it. Now, I am the first to admit, I can be vague, but I was in no way vague about this week. The stinger actually arrived on Tuesday. Could her brother, my husband, move her this week. Now, I was not brought up with English as my first language, I learned it at the age of 9 (another boring blog entry for another boring day) but I was very clear about what would be happening. Now stress is a huge trigger for my seizures, as are infections. I have both a chest and kidney infection currently and the idea was to take some of the stress of feeling isolated off me, and the stress off Bert by giving him some time off and hell, just to give ourselves some time together! We are very family orientated but surprisingly enjoy each other’s company too!

Funnily enough, the answer was a resounding NO. The problem is, we have a  van, a very large van. I actually love our van very dearly and want to convert it into a camper but for now, it remains our van (an LDV Convoy if anyone is interested). Oh but no, the phone didn’t stop. So Bert very nearly snapped and dropped it over to her house, told her to find someone with the correct insurance to drive it and we would have it back when finished.

Given that the media bombards newlyweds with idealistic views of honeymoons and holidays which were totally impractical, I didn’t feel out of order asking for the 4 days we did. It doesn’t help that with all the moving Bert has hurt his neck and pulled a muscle which is healing slowly. I would kind of like my new husband in one piece!

Thursday was actually a lovely day (phone mithering aside). We bought a few bits for our new home, had a lovely lunch out but then a reality check with having to do the weekly shopping, but took some comfort in the return to it.

Friday was a bit of a fuckup as I had had seizures ++ in the night and my beloved sister in law had to be at the hospital 15 miles away for 9.20 through the rush hour traffic so we had to rope in my 70 year old Mum to babysit me whilst Bert took her. Unfortunately she had drawn up a list that would have taken hours to do but he just brought her straight home (I don’t think I am very popular at the moment!)

So, today we are back at square one. Bert running round after everyone and me sat here with the internet and a monitor for company. Oh the joys!!

Maybe we should go for honeymoon part 2 next week? If I try reverse psychology we might just get away with it!

So on a seizure count of 27 since my last post, and a possible loss of sanity in the process, that is me for today.

On a final note, I am learning to give thanks for one thing each day. Today I am going to give thanks for the fact that my brother in law came round and played Assassin’s Creed on the PS3 with Bert for a couple of hours just to give him some time out. Thank you Stevie.



A month? I shall explain! Moving house, weddings and really amazing teenagers!

Wow,  I had no idea it had been this long since I had made a post – not good. In my mitigation, I have been up to my eyeballs in it. So, even though I am in the UK, I have been up for hours watching the US Election. I am not usually one to fanfare my politics but am glad that Barack Obama is back in. Enough of that considering I haven’t lived in the US since I was 3.

To put it bluntly, the last month has been beyond crazy. Bert and I are now married, we have moved house, my seizure count has gone through the roof and my wheelchair use has too.

The run up to the wedding was crazy. Bert has a very laissez faire attitude to life, but that is part of his appeal. Now, as we have primary custody of his youngest son, and his ex wife has primary custody of his eldest son, we wanted to wait until the eldest was over before the suit shopping commenced, so he didn’t feel like an add on.

All well and good but I learned a lesson. Never give 4 men £1000 to buy 4 mid price suits, shoes,shirts and ties. It is only ever going to end in disaster. We married on the 27th of October so with Leigh coming over, the only night to go and get them was the 25th of October (God, I wish I was joking, but alas, no!). So, off they go, Bert, my son Joshua, Leigh and Myles to get themselves sorted for the wedding in 2 days time. Marks and Spencer was the venue of choice because of the range so all sorted. Or so I thought.

My daughter Elizabeth was duly roped in to babysit me whilst they went to get their clothing. Now, I have been the antithesis of  a bridezilla as I wanted Bert to have as much input as possible as he could. His first wedding? He had absolutely no choices in whatsoever so I probably went overboard allowing him as much free reign as I could.

As I have documented my epilepsy well enough, Elizabeth was more than well equipped to look after me, and Bert had left my medication out, and tea for us. Well all I can say is thank fuck I had taken it before they got home. Joshua? (who gave me away), not a problem. Lovely grey suit, light mauve shirt and mauve striped tie to match my Mum (my father is downstairs in an urn, so he wasn’t going to be giving me away funnily enough). Leigh and Myles? Gorgeous grey suits slightly different from Joshua’s and lovely grey ties. Then it happened. Black shirts came out of the bags. Thank god I had enough valium in my system because I was not a happy bunny to say the least. And as for Bert? He forgot his suit! Oh yeah, that was just the start.

So, after a rather horrendous and upset night’s ‘sleep’ I got my shit together and spoke to Bert about how unhappy I was. We have only ever had one argument and that was 22 years ago and I wasn’t about to start one the day before the wedding.

Now don’t get me wrong, I had absolutely NO problem with Leigh and Myles keeping the black shirts, they just were NOT going to wear them at my wedding. Ok, so Friday morning I calmly told Bert that 1 – NO black shirts, 2 – err, HE needed a suit, shirt, tie and shoes and 3 – we were going to get it done that day.

So, first thing Friday morning, back up to town (about 15 miles away). 2 gorgeous dove grey shirts bought for Leigh and Myles and 1 gorgeous charcoal pinstripe suit bought for Bert, who, in his infinite wisdom, decided that a stripey blue shirt and blue spotty tie would go with the cafe latte and brown duchesse satin of my wedding dress. He also had a pair of dress shoes at home so fair enough.

We get home, grey shirts look fantastic, boys happy. Charcoal grey suit, Bert looks fantastic. Blue stripey shirt and blue spotty tie next to the swatches of my wedding dress – AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! Ok, slight overreaction but let us just say, it did NOT go. As for the dress shoes? The soles had parted company with the leather uppers.

No crystal balls needed to see what was coming next. Now I can put my hand on my hear when I say that I have let everyone have their choice as my feeling was that I wanted everyone to feel comfortable but by 1pm, Bert conceded defeat and asked for my help. You guessed it, Bert, Lilith and I got in the car and back up to M&S. This time with swatches of the wedding dress. He put me in charge of getting it all sorted (he was going to get his shoes mended) later on, so off we went. First stop, M&S. Now, there are ladies and gents there trained to help, so I asked a REALLY helpful assistant if she could help match up a tie to the swatch. Literally 3 minutes later, we had the perfect tie. Eureka part 1. Plus, Bert loved it and it had charcoal and grey stripes through it which opened up his choice of shirts. He didn’t want to wear a white one as well, he just didn’t and it was his wedding too, so no problem. He wanted an off white/cream one. Was there one to be had? Was there buggery! I finally found one he loved in a light charcoal which went beautifully.

We decided to keep the blue already bought so he had 2 looks for the suit as we have a family wedding coming up next year and it will be perfect.

So, home we go for the second time that day. Bert took his shoes to the cobbler to find out that THEY COULDN’T BE FIXED. I think I had had about 5 seizures by this point as we still had to go back to town to go and get his niece Claire as she was coming over with her daughters Lauren and Anne for the wedding (Anne is 5 and was my flower girl as a surprise for her).

Bearing in mind, we are now hitting 5pm, and Claire and co are getting in off the boat at 5.45pm, you guessed it – back in the sodding car to sodding M&S for sodding men’s shopping that I had been put in sodding charge of! I was supposed to be at my Mum’s by this point in a Hello Kitty onesie with her, my daughter Elizabeth and Mum’s boyfriend watching Love Actually, not having a borderline nervous breakdown over bloody shoes and picking people up off the boat.

So, cue the fastest ever trip to town (we have hit 75 miles by now, and there are no motorways where we live so my back was starting to complain rather loudly). So, we parked up, Lilith and I wheeled off in haste down to the men’s shoes section (just an fyi, how unfair is that? The selection is disgraceful compared to the women’s) armed with my debit card which I had visions of going on strike.

So, men’s dress shoes. Now Bert is a manual worker, and a bloody good one so generally spends his days in ‘work clothes’, ie, steelies, jeans and a hoody but when he scrubs up, his sartorial choices are second to none. He has always had style. Even on our first date 22 years ago, I felt distinctly under dressed as he turned up in a sharp suit. He was looking for leather upper, round toed lace up dress shoes. Oh hell no, not a chance. So, after a little cajoling, he compromised on a pair of slightly square toed dress shoes (and admitted they were really comfy, but apparently I am sworn to secrecy on that one!).

We bought them, went and picked Claire, Lauren and Anne up and he brought me home to get my bag to take to my Mum’s house. Now, bearing in mind I was supposed to be there at 5 and it was now half 7 he THEN told me he wanted me to cut his hair! He is losing a little at the front and likes the way I shape his neckline so clippers out and off I went. I *think* Elizabeth and I got to Mum’s about half 8.

Now in all this I have omitted to mention that it was actually Bert’s 45th birthday that day. He thought I had forgotten but with the help of Elizabeth, I had his card and present hid, but not to be opened until I went. Both Bert and I are teetotal, so I had got him a hoodie made up saying “I am not allowed a stag do” along with the road sign for a stag with the red line through it. Just so the boys didn’t feel left out, I got Leigh and Myles one each saying “Dad is not allowed a stag do” and one for Joshua saying “Bert is not allowed a stag do”, but on the back of his it said “But I AM getting rid of Mum”.

I got to Mum’s, got into my Hello Kitty onesie, and promptly fell asleep! Yes, I am the queen of hen nights!!! The fits and the traveling had completely taken it out of me. God love her but Elizabeth stayed awake most of the night as she knew I was in danger of going into status. She is not only my daughter, but my best friend, my confidante and, god love her, was the most amazing chief bridesmaid.

So, from a newly married first time bride at the age of 39, on a fit count of over 50 since I last posted, I shall say bye. I am going to update later today with the wedding, the house move and then, most importantly my appointment for the neurologist. I am still laughing about that one now!