Going to have to “Kick it in the ass”

To quote the late, great Kim Manners, I really am going to have to adopt his attitude. Although our illnesses are very different, by god he had the right mental attitude.

Well, Thursday night I took my first lowered dose of Epilim. As it is cumulative, I knew it would take a few days for any of the side effects to show up but last night they arrived. I had a prolonged simple partial seizure. Now, when I get them, I get ‘voices’. They are always very negative but as a trained nurse, I know deep down I am not going bonkers and that it is part of the process. This time they took a turn for the strange. Normally the voices are male, and what they say are very negative. I refuse to repeat or write down what they say as it is my way of not acknowledging them, and for taking them as what they are, part of a seizure.

Last night, one of them became identifiable to me. One has taken on the voice of my husband. There are always 3 of them, but this time, one became identifiable. Oh yeah, talk about creeping me out whilst I was trying to hold on to my last shred of sanity!! Bert was, as ever, amazing and really helped me through it.

So, I had my kockout drops to get to sleep and unfortunately woke at 2am this morning. WIDE awake!! So, I popped the computer on just to read as I wanted Bert to get back to sleep for a while. About 5.30am I got a wave of tiredness so popped the laptop down and went back to sleep. I felt Bert cuddle in, so that always helps me drift off very quickly.

Next thing I knew, I was lying on my back, the bedclothes everywhere and one rather worried looking husband looking down on me. Then I realized that I had the unmistakable taste of midazolam in my mouth. As I was coming out of status, and things started to drift back into mental focus he filled me in on what had happened.

I had been asleep about 20 minutes when I started fitting. Now, normally when I have a run of them, it is between 6 and 9, 11 tops. I had 27 seizures this morning. Yep, started the day off with a bang!! Normally I am good up until about 3pm but this one came out of nowhere.

So, today, I am going to be confined to my bed. I am allowed up and down the stairs on my bum, and if I go to the bottom of the house, I am going to have to use the wheelchair. Think it might just be me and Netflix for company as Bert has gone back to sleep for a well deserved rest.

So, at a quarter to 10 in the morning, on a seizure count of 27, I think I will bow out! Supernatural is going to get a hammering to keep me sane today too!

Sarah

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