Wow, I had no idea it had been this long since I had made a post – not good. In my mitigation, I have been up to my eyeballs in it. So, even though I am in the UK, I have been up for hours watching the US Election. I am not usually one to fanfare my politics but am glad that Barack Obama is back in. Enough of that considering I haven’t lived in the US since I was 3.
To put it bluntly, the last month has been beyond crazy. Bert and I are now married, we have moved house, my seizure count has gone through the roof and my wheelchair use has too.
The run up to the wedding was crazy. Bert has a very laissez faire attitude to life, but that is part of his appeal. Now, as we have primary custody of his youngest son, and his ex wife has primary custody of his eldest son, we wanted to wait until the eldest was over before the suit shopping commenced, so he didn’t feel like an add on.
All well and good but I learned a lesson. Never give 4 men £1000 to buy 4 mid price suits, shoes,shirts and ties. It is only ever going to end in disaster. We married on the 27th of October so with Leigh coming over, the only night to go and get them was the 25th of October (God, I wish I was joking, but alas, no!). So, off they go, Bert, my son Joshua, Leigh and Myles to get themselves sorted for the wedding in 2 days time. Marks and Spencer was the venue of choice because of the range so all sorted. Or so I thought.
My daughter Elizabeth was duly roped in to babysit me whilst they went to get their clothing. Now, I have been the antithesis of a bridezilla as I wanted Bert to have as much input as possible as he could. His first wedding? He had absolutely no choices in whatsoever so I probably went overboard allowing him as much free reign as I could.
As I have documented my epilepsy well enough, Elizabeth was more than well equipped to look after me, and Bert had left my medication out, and tea for us. Well all I can say is thank fuck I had taken it before they got home. Joshua? (who gave me away), not a problem. Lovely grey suit, light mauve shirt and mauve striped tie to match my Mum (my father is downstairs in an urn, so he wasn’t going to be giving me away funnily enough). Leigh and Myles? Gorgeous grey suits slightly different from Joshua’s and lovely grey ties. Then it happened. Black shirts came out of the bags. Thank god I had enough valium in my system because I was not a happy bunny to say the least. And as for Bert? He forgot his suit! Oh yeah, that was just the start.
So, after a rather horrendous and upset night’s ‘sleep’ I got my shit together and spoke to Bert about how unhappy I was. We have only ever had one argument and that was 22 years ago and I wasn’t about to start one the day before the wedding.
Now don’t get me wrong, I had absolutely NO problem with Leigh and Myles keeping the black shirts, they just were NOT going to wear them at my wedding. Ok, so Friday morning I calmly told Bert that 1 – NO black shirts, 2 – err, HE needed a suit, shirt, tie and shoes and 3 – we were going to get it done that day.
So, first thing Friday morning, back up to town (about 15 miles away). 2 gorgeous dove grey shirts bought for Leigh and Myles and 1 gorgeous charcoal pinstripe suit bought for Bert, who, in his infinite wisdom, decided that a stripey blue shirt and blue spotty tie would go with the cafe latte and brown duchesse satin of my wedding dress. He also had a pair of dress shoes at home so fair enough.
We get home, grey shirts look fantastic, boys happy. Charcoal grey suit, Bert looks fantastic. Blue stripey shirt and blue spotty tie next to the swatches of my wedding dress – AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! Ok, slight overreaction but let us just say, it did NOT go. As for the dress shoes? The soles had parted company with the leather uppers.
No crystal balls needed to see what was coming next. Now I can put my hand on my hear when I say that I have let everyone have their choice as my feeling was that I wanted everyone to feel comfortable but by 1pm, Bert conceded defeat and asked for my help. You guessed it, Bert, Lilith and I got in the car and back up to M&S. This time with swatches of the wedding dress. He put me in charge of getting it all sorted (he was going to get his shoes mended) later on, so off we went. First stop, M&S. Now, there are ladies and gents there trained to help, so I asked a REALLY helpful assistant if she could help match up a tie to the swatch. Literally 3 minutes later, we had the perfect tie. Eureka part 1. Plus, Bert loved it and it had charcoal and grey stripes through it which opened up his choice of shirts. He didn’t want to wear a white one as well, he just didn’t and it was his wedding too, so no problem. He wanted an off white/cream one. Was there one to be had? Was there buggery! I finally found one he loved in a light charcoal which went beautifully.
We decided to keep the blue already bought so he had 2 looks for the suit as we have a family wedding coming up next year and it will be perfect.
So, home we go for the second time that day. Bert took his shoes to the cobbler to find out that THEY COULDN’T BE FIXED. I think I had had about 5 seizures by this point as we still had to go back to town to go and get his niece Claire as she was coming over with her daughters Lauren and Anne for the wedding (Anne is 5 and was my flower girl as a surprise for her).
Bearing in mind, we are now hitting 5pm, and Claire and co are getting in off the boat at 5.45pm, you guessed it – back in the sodding car to sodding M&S for sodding men’s shopping that I had been put in sodding charge of! I was supposed to be at my Mum’s by this point in a Hello Kitty onesie with her, my daughter Elizabeth and Mum’s boyfriend watching Love Actually, not having a borderline nervous breakdown over bloody shoes and picking people up off the boat.
So, cue the fastest ever trip to town (we have hit 75 miles by now, and there are no motorways where we live so my back was starting to complain rather loudly). So, we parked up, Lilith and I wheeled off in haste down to the men’s shoes section (just an fyi, how unfair is that? The selection is disgraceful compared to the women’s) armed with my debit card which I had visions of going on strike.
So, men’s dress shoes. Now Bert is a manual worker, and a bloody good one so generally spends his days in ‘work clothes’, ie, steelies, jeans and a hoody but when he scrubs up, his sartorial choices are second to none. He has always had style. Even on our first date 22 years ago, I felt distinctly under dressed as he turned up in a sharp suit. He was looking for leather upper, round toed lace up dress shoes. Oh hell no, not a chance. So, after a little cajoling, he compromised on a pair of slightly square toed dress shoes (and admitted they were really comfy, but apparently I am sworn to secrecy on that one!).
We bought them, went and picked Claire, Lauren and Anne up and he brought me home to get my bag to take to my Mum’s house. Now, bearing in mind I was supposed to be there at 5 and it was now half 7 he THEN told me he wanted me to cut his hair! He is losing a little at the front and likes the way I shape his neckline so clippers out and off I went. I *think* Elizabeth and I got to Mum’s about half 8.
Now in all this I have omitted to mention that it was actually Bert’s 45th birthday that day. He thought I had forgotten but with the help of Elizabeth, I had his card and present hid, but not to be opened until I went. Both Bert and I are teetotal, so I had got him a hoodie made up saying “I am not allowed a stag do” along with the road sign for a stag with the red line through it. Just so the boys didn’t feel left out, I got Leigh and Myles one each saying “Dad is not allowed a stag do” and one for Joshua saying “Bert is not allowed a stag do”, but on the back of his it said “But I AM getting rid of Mum”.
I got to Mum’s, got into my Hello Kitty onesie, and promptly fell asleep! Yes, I am the queen of hen nights!!! The fits and the traveling had completely taken it out of me. God love her but Elizabeth stayed awake most of the night as she knew I was in danger of going into status. She is not only my daughter, but my best friend, my confidante and, god love her, was the most amazing chief bridesmaid.
So, from a newly married first time bride at the age of 39, on a fit count of over 50 since I last posted, I shall say bye. I am going to update later today with the wedding, the house move and then, most importantly my appointment for the neurologist. I am still laughing about that one now!