Going to have to “Kick it in the ass”

To quote the late, great Kim Manners, I really am going to have to adopt his attitude. Although our illnesses are very different, by god he had the right mental attitude.

Well, Thursday night I took my first lowered dose of Epilim. As it is cumulative, I knew it would take a few days for any of the side effects to show up but last night they arrived. I had a prolonged simple partial seizure. Now, when I get them, I get ‘voices’. They are always very negative but as a trained nurse, I know deep down I am not going bonkers and that it is part of the process. This time they took a turn for the strange. Normally the voices are male, and what they say are very negative. I refuse to repeat or write down what they say as it is my way of not acknowledging them, and for taking them as what they are, part of a seizure.

Last night, one of them became identifiable to me. One has taken on the voice of my husband. There are always 3 of them, but this time, one became identifiable. Oh yeah, talk about creeping me out whilst I was trying to hold on to my last shred of sanity!! Bert was, as ever, amazing and really helped me through it.

So, I had my kockout drops to get to sleep and unfortunately woke at 2am this morning. WIDE awake!! So, I popped the computer on just to read as I wanted Bert to get back to sleep for a while. About 5.30am I got a wave of tiredness so popped the laptop down and went back to sleep. I felt Bert cuddle in, so that always helps me drift off very quickly.

Next thing I knew, I was lying on my back, the bedclothes everywhere and one rather worried looking husband looking down on me. Then I realized that I had the unmistakable taste of midazolam in my mouth. As I was coming out of status, and things started to drift back into mental focus he filled me in on what had happened.

I had been asleep about 20 minutes when I started fitting. Now, normally when I have a run of them, it is between 6 and 9, 11 tops. I had 27 seizures this morning. Yep, started the day off with a bang!! Normally I am good up until about 3pm but this one came out of nowhere.

So, today, I am going to be confined to my bed. I am allowed up and down the stairs on my bum, and if I go to the bottom of the house, I am going to have to use the wheelchair. Think it might just be me and Netflix for company as Bert has gone back to sleep for a well deserved rest.

So, at a quarter to 10 in the morning, on a seizure count of 27, I think I will bow out! Supernatural is going to get a hammering to keep me sane today too!



My birthday came early!

Ok, confession time here. I don’t watch much TV, really do prefer films full stop but I do have one slight obsession. Supernatural. I can remember clearly in 2005 an ad catching my eye on TV, it was actually the song that accompanied it (The Killing Moon by Echo and the Bunnymen) but that is pretty irrelevant.

So, had a quick look at the ad and it was love at first sight. Well, praise be to Chuck and Cas (only anyone remotely interested will get that reference) Season 8 has arrived! I am going to save it for later for when I have been out but god, I can’t wait.

Fortunately my family know that my obsession is NOT to be interrupted at any time.

I have been there from the start, experienced the highs and lows of ‘The little show that could’. The writers strike that nearly took it off air, the untimely death of Kim Manners (Lazarus Rising still makes me bawl like a baby) and I will never give up. Apparently Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles have signed up to Season 10 so fingers crossed. Ben Edlund is taking over as show runner as well as Sera Gamble did, he will probably take it in the right direction again.

Erik Kripke (the brains behind the operation) had mapped out a 5 season story arc so seasons 6 and 7 are a bit ad hoc, so yeah, I am 38 and bouncing on my bed with excitement to see where we are going to go from here.

To quote Jensen Ackles, the fandom is rabid! Yeah, we are all quite protective of ‘our’ show. I feel that I can say our with confidence as the team really do interact well with the fans. And as for Misha Collins? Well, THE finest introduction of a character to a series 4 seasons in.

And, on that, I am going to leave you with a quote from Ben Edlund.

“You have to love something before you can feel its loss”