What a difference a few hours makes…

WOW do I feel like a new person. As alluded in my previous post, I have had a really rough time, especially the last week. Hospital, never ending seizures, upset children (young adults!) you name it. BUT – I have ventured as far as the bath, had a good long soak and remembered what moisturizer is so I now actually resemble a human being, not a walking corpse.

My hair even looks as though it has been introduced to a hair brush too. I was a little disappointed on Friday as I had booked for the mobile hairdresser to come and do my hair (just a trim, as I am still sporting wedding hair!) at 1pm as I am fairly confident that I am not going to fit at that time of day. We had me, Myles and his best friend booked in for trims but no, she turned up at 5pm and I was in the throes of seizures, so that was a washout. It might sound really childish, but I was disappointed as my life pretty much revolves round staying in bed, going to Drs and hospital appointments and generally getting wheeled around (oh, did I mention I broke my wrist whilst fitting?). You get the picture.

So now, at nearly 7pm (VERY late for me!) I am sat at my dressing table, freshly bathed and actually looking good enough not to scare children should I be seen in public! Shame I am in pyjamas and about to have my tea and be drugged up for the night!

Had a very bizarre conversation with Joshua just now though. He asked me if I wanted a chinchilla. Yes, a chinchilla. No, no I don’t funnily enough. I value my marriage and a nocturnal furry in the bedroom would not be a very good way of ensuring that my marriage would continue as harmoniously as I wish for!

Strange boy to say the least.

Well, Myles has decided that he would love a family film night. We used to do these before I got ill, on a Sunday night. Sit down and have tea and watch a film together. Soooooooo, as a compromise, I am going to have my tea downstairs (I actually made it down there today!! twice! – we do live over 3 floors, so not as bad as it sounds), with said knockout medication and then get shovelled up to bed at some point later on. I usually wake for about 10 minutes a couple of hours after my medication, so we will aim for then. I miss not being able to take part in these family activities, as if Bert is to do it, he has to have the baby monitor on, and everyone in the room can hear my every move. You have NO idea how much I envy those with privacy currently. Never EVER take it as a right, it is most definitely a privilege that I am currently not entitled to!

I think we are probably going for Harry Potter and the ……… as they seem to be on Sky Movies at the moment, so no doubt I will be Dobbied to sleep very soon. I am tired already, but am determined to stay up for films for everyone. I don’t care if it is asleep, as long as I am there, that is the main thing.

Total tangent here, but just to my left is a picture of me on my wedding day, less than 2 months ago. Seems like a lifetime considering how much my health has deteriorated. The woman smiling out at me is really a stranger to me at the moment. The woman I can see is smiling, safe in the knowledge that she isn’t going to have a fit due to the hour of day and stood proud next to her husband. The woman typing this has to go up and down stairs on her arse as she has fitted too many times on them in recent weeks to risk otherwise. My 3 sons and my daughter are there too, and they aren’t going to be with us this Christmas together. My Mum’s other half is counting each day as a blessing as the prostate cancer is getting the better of him. So much change in 2 months, it frightens me what the next 2 have in store.

What I am going to do, is stop wallowing. Today, my aim was simple. One day fit free. So far so good, and I am well into what Bert and I call ‘the danger zone’ (3pm onwards). If I DO have one, I am not going to be disappointed as I have technically gone 24 hours without one.

Tomorrow I am going to aim higher. Bert and I are going to take Elizabeth to work, then go for a last minute look at a couple of boutique shops, then have lunch at the diner she works in and take her home. Seizure free, always a bonus, but 2 on the trot does not fall into my current pattern. Just a quiet (yeah right, considering what day it is!!) day. Oh shit, might wrap some presents too, as haven’t done one yet! Wouldn’t be Christmas Eve if I had. Many years ago it would have been aided and abetted by a certain Mr Daniels, but I have been sober for a very long time now, and am not falling off that wagon.

I did say I was going to confess to something, but I have noticed that stress can trigger seizures, so am going to hold off on that one just for tonight. Let’s just say it is a secret that I carried for 22 years but no longer have to share the burden alone.

Well, apparently it is time for Dr Bert to administer the medication and my tea is ready. Quorn salad butties, plain crisps and a bowl of tapioca to finish. May sound gross (it actually does to me too!) but my taste buds would disagree with my brain currently!



Hello sadly neglected blog…

In my mitigation, I have had one HELL of a few weeks. Hospital, seizures, family drama (a given!), more hospital, stupid neurologists and I now have the veins (or lack of) a full blown heroin addict. Man, they must be hardcore as I have one hell of a high pain threshold, but just gently knocking the back of my hand turns it black.

Genuinely don’t know where to start to be honest! Well, first things first, Leigh isn’t going to be with us for Christmas this year, he is finding it hard to make the break back home, so we are going to let him take his time. We are all disappointed, but understand as he is a young man. Although physically the weakest in the house, I sometimes have to be the strongest emotionally which (and please don’t think I am being selfish here) can be quite draining.

Joshua is spending Christmas with his girlfriend, which given that he has turned 20 since my last post, I don’t mind. My son is not a child anymore, he is a man and like it or lump it, he is a man finding his way in this world and if that means Christmas Day without him, then that is it. A wise lady once told me that a parent’s job was to give a child roots to grow and wings to fly. I think Joshua is no longer a fledgeling anymore, and I know he will enjoy being with his girlfriend more (I say girlfriend, I think it is far more than that now, I have never seen him like this with anyone else before. He is truly bewitched!)

Ahhh, my Mummykins, the grinch!! My Mum has hated Christmas since she lost her mother in 1987, and finds it very hard to cope on the day, so even at the age of 70, chooses to work. As it is my first Christmas as a married woman, and our first Christmas in our new home, she is going to come round for an hour before she goes to work. It is all my dreams come true! I genuinely can’t believe she is going to do this for me. You can keep all the absolute crap that is advertised on the TV – having my Mum with me for an hour on the day means more to me than all of it combined. She is 70 and I am grateful for each year I still have with her as Bert’s parents are both dead.

So, Christmas Day there will be Bert, Elizabeth, Myles and yours truly! As none of them have actually found this blog (hah!!! – sneaky parenting and the suchlike!) I can let you know what they are getting.

Joshua, oh Joshua! What to do with you! He announced in early November that he ‘wasn’t doing Christmas’ as he couldn’t afford it. We had no problem with that, but to appease my Mum I have got him a selection box and a little something to open, as I have his lovely lady. Last week, he announced he had sold his enduro and what would we all like for Christmas. AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! I told him to buy my Mum something, that was all the gift we needed (and paying his sister back, that would help greatly as he owes her about £200!)

Leigh – well, as he won’t be with us, we sent his card and on Christmas morning, £200 will be in his bank account, so he can treat himself to whatever he wants. He hasn’t specifically asked for anything this year, so our budget per child is £200, that is what he is getting!

Elizabeth – Oh god, here lies a drama! All she wanted for Christmas was a Starbucks coffee machine for her room. So, Starbucks site was located, item purchased and ………. then they sent me an email saying they were sorry that I had cancelled my order and could I possibly let them know why!! A few phone calls later and one VERY helpful gent called Gilbert, turns out they don’t deliver to where I live. But…. NOWHERE on the site does it say, so funnily enough, Gilbert has now been to his management and is it chrystal clear. So, it is the 23rd of December and still no present for her. Think I will put the money in the bank (I do have a little something for her to open) and she can go up and get something in the sales.

Myles – well, if Elizabeth provided the drama, Myles provides the humour. He wants a Kindle Fire HD. Not a problem. He knew it would eat up most of his allowance, but, by chance, I was up at ungodly o’clock on Black Friday and Amazon had 200 of them at £99.99. YES! Step Mum here got him one! But could I convince him it was the right one? NOPE!! I do hasten to add, it IS the right one, and once convinced, we had enough to buy a fantastic 6 month old BMX frame off Joshua to make him a rather fantastic bike worth about £400 which he is MORE than impressed with!

Mummykins – Well, since I can remember, my Grandmother used to buy her a poinsettia each year, so I took up the baton after she passed away. Mum never asks for anything else, but as I TOTALLY screwed her 70th up this year by being in Coronary Care Unit as I was that ill, I have decided to push the boat out. Now, this is a present of two halves. Mum’s favourite clutch bag clasp broke the other week and is, shall we put it delicately, dead. Non fixable at all. So, we have bought her a new leather clutch, but with a twist. It has a rather sleek central compartment in preparation for the Kindle she is going to treat herself to in the New Year. Yeah, like I would leave it at that!! Amazon must love me, as we have got her the all singing all dancing Kindle to go in there too! We are going to charge it up, put some of her favourite books on it, and put it in the bag. And then give her the box with the info for the Kindle and the charger in afterwards, wrapped up of course! I think is is the least she deserves.

Bert – Oh god, if I never blog again, you will know why. I will be murdered! He has been hankering after a Makita hammer drill for the longest time, and we have never got round to getting one. Now, imagine the logistics of 1) never being able to be left alone, 2) pretty much showing him the monthly accounts even though he asks me to be in charge of them, I do like to show him where our money goes and 3) actually getting some time ALONE I think I deserve a bloody medal. One top of the range Makita drill hidden ready for the big day. We had agreed not to buy each other anything, but I actually bid on it to raise money for the Anthony Nolan Bone Marrow Trust so have got £200 worth of hammer drill for £75 so hope I am not in too much trouble. Facebook may be a pain in the arse on occasion, but the hiding of posts does come in handy on occasion! Yep, I am probably in big trouble but given everything that he does for me, I think I will get away with it.

Well, Mum’s Kindle box is now open and getting its inaugural charge so we will be one step ahead on Tuesday when the inevitable ‘DAAAAAADDDD HEEEELLLLPPPP’ spills forth from Myles!!

Oh, apparently it is time for a supervised bath. Oh the joys! I shall return later with tales of god only knows what, and a confession.


Get a grip woman!

Do not be so self indulgent and childish! I am ashamed to read back what I wrote last night, but I really was that angry.

I am a grown woman, but in my mitigation, I live the life of a pre schooler due to being not able to be left unattended etc, and yesterday was a huge deal for me and Elizabeth and to let a certain person get to me shouldn’t have happened.

So the plan for today is to melt the debit card whilst we do the weekly shop, come home, get into the Hello Kitty onesie and email my relations in New Zealand with some info on the Six Nations (ok, here we go with a link!)


Hmm, will see how that looks when posted!

Then, watch out as I am going to have a Blog attack! Think this one is in dire need of tarting up and some order bringing to it. Any help or hints gratefully received.