What a difference a few hours makes…

WOW do I feel like a new person. As alluded in my previous post, I have had a really rough time, especially the last week. Hospital, never ending seizures, upset children (young adults!) you name it. BUT – I have ventured as far as the bath, had a good long soak and remembered what moisturizer is so I now actually resemble a human being, not a walking corpse.

My hair even looks as though it has been introduced to a hair brush too. I was a little disappointed on Friday as I had booked for the mobile hairdresser to come and do my hair (just a trim, as I am still sporting wedding hair!) at 1pm as I am fairly confident that I am not going to fit at that time of day. We had me, Myles and his best friend booked in for trims but no, she turned up at 5pm and I was in the throes of seizures, so that was a washout. It might sound really childish, but I was disappointed as my life pretty much revolves round staying in bed, going to Drs and hospital appointments and generally getting wheeled around (oh, did I mention I broke my wrist whilst fitting?). You get the picture.

So now, at nearly 7pm (VERY late for me!) I am sat at my dressing table, freshly bathed and actually looking good enough not to scare children should I be seen in public! Shame I am in pyjamas and about to have my tea and be drugged up for the night!

Had a very bizarre conversation with Joshua just now though. He asked me if I wanted a chinchilla. Yes, a chinchilla. No, no I don’t funnily enough. I value my marriage and a nocturnal furry in the bedroom would not be a very good way of ensuring that my marriage would continue as harmoniously as I wish for!

Strange boy to say the least.

Well, Myles has decided that he would love a family film night. We used to do these before I got ill, on a Sunday night. Sit down and have tea and watch a film together. Soooooooo, as a compromise, I am going to have my tea downstairs (I actually made it down there today!! twice! – we do live over 3 floors, so not as bad as it sounds), with said knockout medication and then get shovelled up to bed at some point later on. I usually wake for about 10 minutes a couple of hours after my medication, so we will aim for then. I miss not being able to take part in these family activities, as if Bert is to do it, he has to have the baby monitor on, and everyone in the room can hear my every move. You have NO idea how much I envy those with privacy currently. Never EVER take it as a right, it is most definitely a privilege that I am currently not entitled to!

I think we are probably going for Harry Potter and the ……… as they seem to be on Sky Movies at the moment, so no doubt I will be Dobbied to sleep very soon. I am tired already, but am determined to stay up for films for everyone. I don’t care if it is asleep, as long as I am there, that is the main thing.

Total tangent here, but just to my left is a picture of me on my wedding day, less than 2 months ago. Seems like a lifetime considering how much my health has deteriorated. The woman smiling out at me is really a stranger to me at the moment. The woman I can see is smiling, safe in the knowledge that she isn’t going to have a fit due to the hour of day and stood proud next to her husband. The woman typing this has to go up and down stairs on her arse as she has fitted too many times on them in recent weeks to risk otherwise. My 3 sons and my daughter are there too, and they aren’t going to be with us this Christmas together. My Mum’s other half is counting each day as a blessing as the prostate cancer is getting the better of him. So much change in 2 months, it frightens me what the next 2 have in store.

What I am going to do, is stop wallowing. Today, my aim was simple. One day fit free. So far so good, and I am well into what Bert and I call ‘the danger zone’ (3pm onwards). If I DO have one, I am not going to be disappointed as I have technically gone 24 hours without one.

Tomorrow I am going to aim higher. Bert and I are going to take Elizabeth to work, then go for a last minute look at a couple of boutique shops, then have lunch at the diner she works in and take her home. Seizure free, always a bonus, but 2 on the trot does not fall into my current pattern. Just a quiet (yeah right, considering what day it is!!) day. Oh shit, might wrap some presents too, as haven’t done one yet! Wouldn’t be Christmas Eve if I had. Many years ago it would have been aided and abetted by a certain Mr Daniels, but I have been sober for a very long time now, and am not falling off that wagon.

I did say I was going to confess to something, but I have noticed that stress can trigger seizures, so am going to hold off on that one just for tonight. Let’s just say it is a secret that I carried for 22 years but no longer have to share the burden alone.

Well, apparently it is time for Dr Bert to administer the medication and my tea is ready. Quorn salad butties, plain crisps and a bowl of tapioca to finish. May sound gross (it actually does to me too!) but my taste buds would disagree with my brain currently!



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